Why I will never advise anyone to be a doctor mom again?

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It's Saturday today, and unlike many other professions, I never get 5 days a week. Might seem as a trivial reason to many but ask a mom who isn't supermom and who just keeps trying to balance her work and her home, this will come as a major jolt once u have kids who need as much time and understanding as any other job u handle.

Well jokes apart..Medicine today is a thankless field ..not the glorified version we grew up thinking. 

Any doctor reading this won't deny that medicine is an imperfect field. Though there may have been leaps and bounds in cancer treatment of a particular cancer , but still a common cold drives even specialised doctors crazy. Wait and watch.. But how can you when your child is running high grade fever...and your elders hound you with what kind of doctor you are? Can't u treat your own kid? 

Out of 168 hours, your child depending on his schedule will spend approx 70 hours sleeping, another 70 hrs in school and transportation. That leaves with a working mom, only 28 hours per week, to teach him values, morals, make him study, play with him. I don't find this exciting enough. These 28 hours I might be on duty, in the kitchen, or might be juggling my other responsibilities as a homemaker. 

The guilt of spending less time with your kid would let u indulge him in his favourite food, toys, books... In the nutshell overindulge him. And the guilt of spending less time with one kid might push you towards not having another. So, you land with one overindulgent spoilt brat. And anything to do with his behaviour, studies.. You and you will be solely responsible.

The stress of dealing with diseases, patients psychology and in the current era of corporates, the management with the answers to revenue you generate has made medicine lousiest of all professions. In today's scenario, you are always worried about your job, what might land you in a lawsuit makes the prime years of life gloomy. To add it to the stress of parenting, being a daughter and a daughter in law .. Not to forget the husband.. Makes you ponder wasn't it better all alone? 

Do's And Dont's

Pregnancy is the most amazing as well as the most paranoid time in a females life, Thanks to our culture, especially Indian scenario.

My son is 7.5 now, but still whenever I think about those days, I still get jitters.

The day u marry, you are supposed to procreate or else Relatives won't even mind asking Do you know how to do? ( though it is a taboo) 😳. I waited for my doctorate to complete, before I took in the plunge, so I had all possible sorts of reaction from everywhere.. And If I would say I'm still not ready.. I would be thought of as an Alien💃💃.

Once the Good news chips in, there comes the other set of advices. 

One particular I remember is Drinking Juice. I had much trouble keeping in what I ate, so I would stick to eating fruits. But my in laws family felt, juice is the only nutrition ... 😉How could I make them understand juice is made from the same fruit. So one fine day, my husband in full josh picked me from my workplace and took me to juice shop and ordered me drink One large full glass of juice. I obliged.No sooner I reached back home, I vomited full and couldn't have anything till next morning. So that put a full stop to my Juice saga. 

I think in everyone's pregnancy one or the other eclipse comes to add to all the other problems. I was in my 3rd trimester when the same happened with me. And what a timing it had... The time office ends. How don't u go out? Being a doctor .. I'm a little more cynical about these things. I fully remember it was just a lunar eclipse. As always after much convincing I was allowed to come back home .. And after that had to take a rigorous bath and donate the clothes I was wearing. 

To add to my worries, my Blood pressure kept shooting up in last trimester .. Giving me severe headaches, frequent visits to my gynaec .. And I was thought of as lazy, not willing to work, how will she care for newborn? Etc etc. 

Their kids had been born healthy without so many visits to doctor, and I could not explain why I needed one.

"So many ultrasounds will have a bad impact  on baby! 

Lol! I did not know what to do? 

Ah to add the icing to the cake, my doctor told coz of the worsening BP we will have to deliver baby prematurely.. As it was getting dangerous to keep it inside.. So my baby came into this world 1 month prior to his expected schedule .. And that too by Casearaen section, and on the day of another eclipse. And was underweight only 1.9 kgs

Couldn't have asked for more... It was all my fault.. I ate wrong in pregnancy .. I didn't keep inside in eclipse.. I got too many ultrasounds....

Could I have had just peace of mind wouldn't it be better?

Now comes the Postpartum .. Where the only person wrong is the mother who has brought that baby.

So it was with me. I had postpartum depression .. But all I had was scornful eyes and comments coz I needed my mother by my side. 

My milk was bad 

My everything was wrong 

Today when I look back I laugh over many things.  But what I strongly feel is that this is a time when a woman needs love ... Atleast her husband can understand and be by her side ... But Indian families have to still come a long way 

I decided never to have another baby again ... But I sincerely pray that the sooner we realise what we owe to the one who brings life to the world better it is . 

तन्हाई

आवाज़ों का क़ाफ़िला है! 

फिर भी क्यों तन्हाई है ।

दोस्तों की महफ़िल है ! 

ना जाने क्यों फिर भी यूँ अकेला हूँ ।

रंग ही रंग हैं! 

पर सब बेरंग है ।

फूलों के मौसम में यह केसी पतझड़ है ! 

ख़ुशी के दिन हैं फिर भी ये उदासी है ।

बरसों बीत गये उस आँगन से विदा हुए

आज भी उस घर कि सब यादें ताज़ा हैं।

INDIAN MARRAIGE SYSTEM

I Have been married for last ten years, 11th going.

And lately I have been wondering is it really worthwhile to get married.

I am not into a bad marriage. my husband does not beat me up, and i do not undergo sexual, physical or mental torture. Infact, he respects my choices, loves me and cares for me.

I have a wonderful son, who is sensible enough to guess my moods and loves me a lot.

But then still there are days when I feel empty, need someone to talk to fill that emptiness.

There are days when I wish that like my husband i should also live with my parents.

There are days when I feel that like his mother and father pamper him, there should be someone to pamper me.

There are days when I feel that when I come home back from work, i feel atleast someone should ask me how my day was.

There are days when I want to go shopping all alone, without anyone telling me not to pick this or that.

There are days when I wish to be pampered like my husband.

And then I ponder is this just the side effect of Indian marriage system.

And are these only for one or for both? Must be for both. Obviously even Men sacrifice so much though not to that extent. 

Are live in relationships not the right answer.

Both have their space without too much family interference.

I know that many will not buy what I say. 

But is not good ? Marriage is the end of romance,  that taken for granted attitude, too much mine and your family.

Just pondering .....

Don't worry, you'll be okay

Don't worry, you'll be okay

Slowing down is good

Wisdom simmers and steeps and grows with time

Stop pushing yourself

You are enough just as you are

There is no need to perform

Just relax

Let life unfold

You have what it takes to handle anything

Anything

Good things come from patience, not pushing

Let space and time reveal something miraculous

Trust life

Accept where you are

Right now

Stop the judgment and internal lectures

Just be here

Don't run or think or eat or scheme

Return to yourself in this moment

Where life is perfect and peaceful and safe

So much to say

There is so much to say, but no one to hear.There is so much to say, but words fail me.

Like flood waters waiting to burst the dam, so are those unspoken, unworded feelings fluttering to break open the boundaries.

Like bright flames of fire, waiting to burn its confines, and step out.

Like school children waiting for the bell to ring, to jump out of their classes and rush back home.

So is something within me, urging me to free myself of imaginative boundaries.

International woman's day

8th march ....Today is International woman's day. 

As a strong advocate of women rights, i am actually relishing it like my birthday and wishing all my girlie friends. 

But on second thoughts, why do we celebrate it. Do we have something like International Men day. Why don't they need a day to celebrate?

The website dedicated to International woman day marks it as a  global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.
So on a retrospect are we actually accepting that gender inequality has been present since times and we need a day to tell that yes females are equal.
The first woman's day was celebrated as early as 1908, and 107 years later have we been able to prove our equality, or are we just trying to celebrate our superiority.

Woman is the beginning of life. She nurtures within her a life, gives birth to a child. Still, why does she need to prove her greatness to the very being she created.

She becomes a daughter, a friend, a sister, wife and a mother....illuminates the home she is born into...without questioning leaves that house ...to begin anew with whoever she gets married to. Isn't it greatness?

She has proved herself as doctor, engineer, artist, astronaut, politician, banker.

But then why does she still get those cold looks when she demands her space/ her share in the society.

Why is she scorned upon if she has a boyfriend or has a love marriage? why is she asked to prove her virginity by Gods and humans alike? Why do incidents like " nirbhaya" happen? Why is she being preached what to wear? Why cant she roam alone when she wants to it? why cant she have a sip of alcohol if she wants to? Why do we call her " characterless", if she does any of that?

Why has she failed to teach her worth to the very sons she bore? This is probably where she has failed. 

And until she does this, there will be a need of International Women's Day.